Driven #15:- Jaguar XKR Series 1

The first-shape Jaguar XKR left me with one of the most confused verdicts I have ever drawn to on evaluating a car.

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Driven #10:- Toyota IQ

Let’s get the whistlestop review over with as quickly as possible. As an urban runabout the Toyota IQ makes a lot of sense. It takes up very little road or parking space; it’s less than ten feet long overall. It has been proven economical and will cost very little in road tax and, depending on who and where you are, insurance. It is also, within its remit, very pleasant to drive. Additionally it doesn’t feel like it’s trying as hard to create an image as other town-biased cars seem to, things like Smarts, Alfa Mitos and Minis. Toyota IQ drivers look a lot less like smug pillocks than Smart drivers do.

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Driven #8:- Mk 3 Mondeo 2.2 TDci

 

In 1997 Grand Theft Auto was released in all its anarchic, top-down glory. Here was a game where you were encouraged to steal any and all vehicles found prowling the mean streets of Liberty City. The choice was huge, with public utility vehicles like ambulances, coaches and police cars, as well as motorbikes and supercars. Some of these were recognisable. The Ferrari Testarossa made an appearance, as did the Escort Cosworth, both iconic machines. You could understand their inclusion.

One car, though, stood out to me. Why have they included that? Also, why have they awarded it such an insulting in-game name? That car was the Ford Mondeo. And that name? Mundano. And a new cliché was born.

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Driven #7:- F01 BMW 730d Sport

It was with some anticipation that I took the key from my work colleague.

BMWs recent history has been somewhat irksome to the enthusiast. When I worked for them, in sales, there were certain core values that we were told were cast in stone for all eternity. This was reinforced whenever we went on BMW UK training courses, where official guys from the firm who were paid to know what they were doing, and to say the right thing, would force the point home until it started to bleed.

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Think Bike? Bikers; Think!!

 

The Think Bike safety campaign currently on our TV screens is a hard-hitting and effective one. It reminds me that, when I drive, a ton and a half of mixed metals surrounds me; an exoskeleton to protect me in the event of something bad. A biker has no such armour. He is a meat envelope astride a powerful beast, far more vulnerable when shit goes pear. And yet, irrespective of the millions of quid being poured into looking after bikers, every time I see one taking the piss it makes me far less inclined to care.

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Mud, Leather, Harmon Kardon and Dung

In the (not especially good) 1995 flick Judge Dredd, it was mooted that the only surviving car brand in the year 20XX would be Land Rover. This was based on the reputation the cars had for robustness and longevity. No-nonsense engineering. Today, look at any of the range, apart from the specialist and due to be replaced worryingly soon Defender, and it has become hard to remember how they used to be before the SUV phenomenon took hold.

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Power Corrupts, and that's fine.

We have a regular client, well, a trader really but he does snap up the occasional car for personal consumption. As with all well heeled traders who haven't had all the enthusiasm beaten out of them by now, if something interesting crosses the threshold he finds it hard to overcome temptation. He is going through the I-Spy book, gradually ticking the boxes until he has experienced ownership of everything tasty on the menu.

One such vehicle was a CL65 AMG. This, for the uninitiated is an enormous two-door coupe based on the S-Class. Usually it has the same sort of eight-cylinder motivation you'd expect in what the Americans used to refer to as "Personal Luxury" cars. Some had the amplification turned up when AMG bolted on a couple of superchargers to make the CL55.

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Hate driving. Love driving.

I hate driving. And I love driving. Unfortunately, these days, there is an unfortunate ratio between the good miles and the bad miles.

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